Putt Pirates Disc Golf Club

🏴‍☠️ The Tale of the Newport News Scrimmage Round – April 23, 2026

Ahoy, ye scallywags! Gather ‘round and hear the salty tale of a fine morn upon the fairways of Newport News Disc Golf Course, where the winds were calm, the skies clear, and the temperature a perfect 70 degrees by the ninth bell (that be 9am for ye landlubbers).

⚓ A Crew with One Less Sailor
Our noble Sailing Master Tommy Brosam abandoned ship afore the cannons fired—claimin’ “child duties,” though whispers among the crew say he feared the wild throws of Seaman Trevor Elam and the unpredictable artillery of Cook Mike Mui. A wise retreat… or cowardice? The sea may never tell.

🏴‍☠️ Lawless Beginnings
At Hole One, chaos ruled the tides! Discs flew over fences like cannonballs gone rogue, and thus it was decreed: Out-of-bounds be damned! This here be a scrimmage, not a king’s tournament.

Yet treachery struck early—Quartermaster Jasper Gutierrez carded a 4 on Hole One… only to later claim it be a 3 come Hole Ten! A scandal! The tapes be under review, and justice shall be swift… or at least mildly discussed over beers.

🎯 Cannons Finding Their Mark
Cook Mike Mui began the day scatterin’ discs like grapeshot—endangerin’ squirrels, birds, and possibly his own crewmates. But lo! As the round wore on, his aim sharpened, and fewer woodland creatures feared for their lives.

Meanwhile, Seaman Trevor Elam arrived in full cursed regalia, sportin’ his legendary “SHOW ME YOUR BUTTHOLE” hat. Whether by dark magic or sheer audacity, the hat brought him luck! Rust was shaken off, and mighty throws were made. Though at one point, the lad confessed he believed the goal was the highest score… a grievous misunderstanding. He felt betrayed, and rightly so.

🌊 Shots Across the Seven Holes
Discs flew where they ought not:
Master-at-arms Ernest Huizar launched one from Hole 9 clear onto Hole 2 like a true long-range bombardment.
Quartermaster Jasper Gutierrez absolutely obliterated a drive on Hole 12, landing it upon Hole 13—prompting Trevor’s legendary wisdom:
“See, that’s why you don’t want to be too good at anything.”

🚨 The Disc Golf Piracy Police Arrive
Just as spirits were high and laughter filled the air, trouble docked in the parking lot…
A lone ranger—clearly a deserter from some forgotten outpost—approached, demandin’ licenses like a tax collector of the high seas. Only Quartermaster Jasper Gutierrez held the sacred yearly pass, and he waved it with smug delight as the rest of the crew were logged into the dreaded ledger of “disc-graced disc golfers.”
Ship Captain Patrick McCormick argued valiantly, claimin’ the round began before the office opened. The ranger countered: “Office opened at 7.”
“Which office?” the Captain asked.
What followed was a fog of confusion so thick even the ranger seemed lost within it—unsure of the office, the hour, or possibly even the sport itself.

⚖️ Final Thoughts from the Deck
In the end, we let the poor soul have his moment. After all, for a yearly bounty of Newport News Park Raanger is $39,000 to $67,700, one must find purpose—be it wranglin’ rogue squirrels or harassin’ honest disc pirates.

And so ends another legendary round: filled with lies, laughs, long throws, and lawless joy.

Until next time, keep yer discs flyin’ true and yer scores… honest-ish. 🏴‍☠️

Oh, and since we are all on the NAUGHTY DISC GOLFERS DATABASE now…Might want to buy those passes, or else Officer Barney Fife says he’s going to “take out warrants..”